Tuesday, May 31, 2005

Les Choristes

Just saw it. It was spectacular, though I am a sucker for those story lines. Now the only thing I want to do is get a job in a corrupt and rowdy reform school somewhere in Europe and immeasurably enrich the pupils' lives through..uh....technical writing.

Monday, May 30, 2005

Happy Birthday Chris Gregory

Today is also my brother's birthday. He's 22 and hands down the best birthday present I've ever received.

My mother's side of the family sings 2 extra verses of "Happy Birthday to You." Chiefly to irritate our sister, Greg and I insist that our family sing the extra verses to us:

May our Dear Lord bless you,
May our Dear Lord bless you,
May our DEAR LORD bless (name)
Happy birthday to you.

May you live a hundred years,
May you live a hundred years,
May you LIVE A hundred ye-ears,
Happy birthday to you.

But Greg reworked the last verse:

May we live a hundred years,
May we live a hundred years,
Indi-VID-ually, not in su-umm,
Happy birthday to us.

Saturday, May 28, 2005

another game

also, you know that game where you have the name of a celebrity pinned to your back and you have to go around asking people if you're alive or dead, etc., to figure out who you are? that game should be played with -ologies. such as:


Also there could be a variation with -isms. Or you could do both, so the first question you would ask would be whether you were an -ology or an -ism.

this game should be played at games night at the Cage. There'd better be a games night somewhere in Cambridge/Somerville.

Also, I should say that I originally had this idea 2 years ago, and that I made a set of -ology cards as a going-away present for my friend D.

Who's hot tonight? Strindberg's hot tonight!

In my purse, I just found M and L tiles from the board game Upwords. It put me in mind of the following Strindberg and Helium cartoon:

But M and L are not in the periodic table! What can it mean?

Also, it goes without saying, there should totally be a board game based on the periodic table of the elements. The obvious thing would be to play Boggle using the PTE as your tableau. You could use one or (if more than one) both letters as your, you know, tile. Like I could make "tint" using titanium, niobium, and tantalum.

But I think the PTE can support its own board game. Maybe this will be a summer project.

Friday, May 27, 2005


(Hmph. For someone who has vowed not to celebrate her 30th birthday, but instead commemorate 11,000 Days a couple months later, my recent posts have evinced a certain trend. Okay. Penultimate one.)

So here's the deal. My birthday is Monday, and I'm thinking of throwing myself a little surprise birthday party on Tuesday evening (because everyone probably already has plans for Memorial Day, plus if it's Tuesday, I'm less likely to suspect something.)

In order to figure out what/where this should be, I need to know how many people think they'd be able to make it. If you know about this blog, you're invited. Please RSVP (although shouldn't that actually be "please R?" Oh, good - I've just ensured that no one will come to my party.) Guests welcomed. Let me know via comment, email, or phone, and I'm sorry if you got an email about this too; it's late on Friday on a 3-day weekend, and I'm trying to cover all communicative bases.

Thursday, May 26, 2005

birthday registry - to be updated

1. jokes about getting old.
# requested - 0
# received - 0

2. photograph of Liz's immense skirt collection accompanied by a curatorial piece of writing in which the composition is discussed in terms of liminality, frontality, seminality and one other -ality to be determined by the giver. Both pieces framed, as a unit.
# requested - 1
# received - 0

3. bottles of Bell's Oberon
# requested - 1-2
# received - 0

4. spankings
# requested - (deleted)
# received - 0

5. ipod
# requested - 11
# received - 0

6. homemade cards
# requested - many
# received - 0

to be continued, maybe.

Wednesday, May 25, 2005


I have been informed that the pointing to me here was a joke. I should have known. Matt owns CDs that haven't even been thought up yet.


Fear of misspelling "Editorial Submission."

question for the ladies

How many black skirts do you own?

you know...

I bet that Carrie Bradshaw never had a birthday shower shower.

Got it.

Someone should throw a graduate school shower (someone who hasn't started yet, that is.)

harrumph (a diptych)

1. there is no service that will tell me exactly what the weather will be like each day that I am in Boston (June 5 - Aug 25thish). This is extremely inconvenient and annoying, as I am trying to figure out clothes to bring on the plane. Stupid Dark Ages.

2. I had this idea that I was going to throw myself a birthday shower, and my sister said, "Oh, like Carrie Bradshaw?" Stupid Sex in the City writers.

Sunday, May 22, 2005


This morning I restrained myself from trying to write a crossword puzzle that used emoticons instead of words.

I don't know whether this is cause for praise or condemnation, but I have my suspicions.

Saturday, May 21, 2005

theme imaginary CD

Here, I am asked what the theme song of my blog would be, which shows, I think, unfamiliarity with Stereolab. Nonetheless, I will punt and say that if my blog were a CD that doesn't exist, it would be "The Best of Amazon.com," a compilation of snippets of songs, often more promising than the songs themselves.

And, if I may, if it were a book it'd be "Gulliver's Travels," or at least it would when I move to Sville in a couple of weeks. Or "Mom's Pocket Guide to Watching Football."

Friday, May 20, 2005

yes yes yes

The trailer for Manderlay, the sequel to Dogville, is available here:

I love work.

View http://www.overheardintheoffice.com/

M, you must both add your HR story to this site and post it in the comment section for the edification of any readers.

Thursday, May 19, 2005


Did it.


Why have I still not sent it?


I have, on the screen in front of me, an article I wrote in which I recap and reconcile the major arguments in the PowerPoint debates. The article was written as a class assignment, part of which was to identify a possible publication venue and write the query letter. I did these things; my venue was Salon.com's Business and Technology section.

So the query letter and the article are all written. Last semester, the article won first prize in the Alan and Gloria Siegal Professional Writing Awards for graduate student submissions. I have an new email message opened, addressed to Salon editorial.

So why am I writing about it in a blog instead of sending it?

Wednesday, May 18, 2005

phone call review, or how not to talk to a playa

(some girl): hello?
me: Hi, I'm looking for J?
(the girl): okay, hold on.


J: Hello?
me: Hey, this is j. ondioline. Are you having a party?
J: I'm having a party?
me: No, I'm asking if you're having a party.
J: You're inviting me to a party?
me: No...just....just...I just ASKED if YOU WERE having a party.
J: No, no, my friend (girl's name) and I were at (some place) and (blah blah blah.)
me: Huh. So I uh. I wondered if you got the message I left with your housemate last week.
J: (dismissively) Oh, yeah. I got that. Sorry I didn't.....uh....
me: Okay. Just checking to make sure you got it.
J: Yeah. Were you at the Cage?
me: I was in fact at the Cage.
J: I was going to swing by the Cage but (blah blah blah).
me: Huh.
J: Look, I should go, I'm getting food on the table.
me: Oh, yeah, all right.
J: So...I'll talk to you.
me: Yeah, bye now.
(both hang up)

The brilliant casting of a girl, whoever she was, definitely contributes to the setting and believability of the scene. The me character seems shoddily conceived: "Are you having a party?" Is that meant to indicate nervousness? There are funnier ways to do so. As it is, it's just another example of random dialogue clogging up a scene. Although it did segue into the "misunderstanding" subroutine - this was funny because it's true (in that nothing important is ever misheard, only dumb stuff. As Mitch Hedberg says, soon you find yourself yelling "THAT TREE IS FAR AWAY."). Subsequent dialogue is efficient if uninspired. A little forced, too - "I was in fact at the Cage"? Who talks like that? No wonder J didn't return her call. Very uninspired, in fact, just a string of cliches. Clearly, the best part of this scene is only hinted at in the dialogue, and that is that it happened at one-thirty in the morning.

Also, if anyone knows where I can get stickers made that say "OK" and "you're welcome," please let me know.

Monday, May 16, 2005

there is a problem...

...and it is that Eric Kraft

1. is not our novelist laureate
2. is not carried on the shoulders of men throughout the streets of the town as citizens throw confetti at him (is that right? do citizens throw confetti at heroes? I might have made that up.)
3. seems to have failed to garner the rabid popular acclaim that is his due.

and that you

1. are, presumably, reading this and not his novels right now.

But as long as you are, know that:

NPR said that "There aren't enough adjectives to praise this delightfully generous storyteller," the New York Times Book Review said that "Peter Leroy's ( Kraft's narrator-ed.) world shines through just like childhood itself: both tiny and enormous, full of mystery and wonder, but with terror lurking all around the edges," and that the Chicago Tribune wrote: "Whimsy...mystery, tragedy, jealousy, love, wisdom, irony, wonder...you'll read quickly and happily, eager to finish one story and get on to the next."

I will add that they're comedies and sexy as hell in the most pure, noble way imaginable.

Saturday, May 14, 2005

stalking lite

Today I went to Whole Foods because, I told myself, "they are more likely to have lemongrass." I examined the produce and the bottled things zealously so as to not be caught craning my head around for a glimpse of J., who probably wasn't even working. Felicitously, I ran into H., and we smiled shyly at each other and kind of followed one another around and traded the sort of witty-but-ill-formed observations that you do when you're interested but nervous and don't really know one another very well, so you end up sounding as though English is your third language:

H: I am going to where the expensive things are.
me: ha, ha, to get the most (unintelligible) per square (beat) inch!

Right. Anyway, we're not close enough acquaintances to have an official impromptu social visit in a supermarket, so I drifted away and no numbers were exchanged. But it was good to flirt dorkily with him there; H. would be far and away more appropriate for me to date than J., and it's reassuring to know that I'm not exclusively drawn to young rockers who didn't go to college and look smashing with their shirts off or gorgeous, arrogant homosexuals. H. is, of course, a graduate student, so I'm back to where I started. Let's hope.

Whole Foods has a sign in the parking lot: "Thank you for shopping with us." On my next visit, I'm going to affix a sign to my car that says "Thank you for employing non-phone-call-returning cads."